Unfruitful Sex Just Outside The City

One of my all time favorite shows is Sex and the City.  I used to watch it religiously and one day even went so far as to go on the show's site on HBO just to look around.  While there, I took a quiz that determines which SATC girl you are.  Of course we all think we're "Carries" but I turned out to be a "Charlotte" although I really couldn't see the resemblance.  Well in recent days I'm beginning to feel more and more like Charlotte.  No, I didn't move to Park Ave or convert to Judaism but it turns out that much like her, our attempts TTC are going to require a lot more time and effort than I would like or even have imagined.

I remember the one episode of SATC when Miranda inadvertently got pregnant and how devastated Charlotte was to the point where she was almost cruel.  I remember thinking that she was over-reacting and being a completely unsupportive friend but this was all pre-TTC.  I think some crazy switch goes off in a woman's head when she's ready to be maternal and the greater the time that elapses, the more emotional one seems to get.  I found out this week that a good friend who wasn't really trying to get pregnant is in fact now expecting.  My initial reaction was complete elation for her but trailing right behind the happiness was a cloud of sadness and despair for me and for once I kinda saw where Charlotte was coming from.  I've been taking all the right vitamins, highlighting and counting days on a calendar like Galileo, monitoring all sorts of bodily fluids and at the end of the month get slapped in the face with a BFN.  Don't get me wrong, I would not turn my back on a friend and am truly happy for their gift but I still can't seem to suppress feelings of my own self woe.

I don't know if its some law of physics that seems to magnetically bring all pregnant women walking in my direction or sit next to me but lately it seems wherever I turn there's a bump or a baby announcement in the mail.  Everyone keeps saying "Don't think about it" well that's pretty hard to do when I can't take a step without constantly being reminded of my empty womb.  Most of my friends have all conceived effortlessly which always led me to believe that once we stopped preventing that poof it would happen.  Nowadays I find some solace on infertility forums of others who are struggling but it still doesn't really take the edge off.

I know that in this day and age science has taken the role of God but I sure was hoping to do this the good old natural way.  Although currently our chances of conceiving naturally are greatly compromised, I still do feel hopeful each month.  "You never know" I keep telling myself.  This past month I buckled down and bought an ovulation kit.  I was so thrilled when the little digital screen showed a happy face.  I've gotten so many BFN's that seeing a happy face even if its just for ovulation gave me a sense of hope.

21 comments:

Robin said...

Found you via the Friday Follow (yes it does work). I, too, love Sex in The City. I have never taken one of the quizes to determine which character I am most like. In fact, I was watching it on DVD. I made it through the Season where Carrie dumps Aidan the second time. It just breaks my heart. I hate Mr. Big. Now, I'm stuck. Miranda just had her baby and I can't bear to move on to the next season. I know it just means more Big (who I loathe). Anyway, about YOUR POST, a lot of my friends have had this problem, too. I waited too long altogether and now my time has passed. Funny how life works. I would really try not to stress about it because I do think that makes it worse. There are so many stories of couples unable to get pregnant so they adopt. Once they adopt, they get pregnant. Another thought, have you had a saliva test done to check your hormone levels? It is more accurate than a blood test. I say this because I read your several of your blogs including the one about all of the hair. That says to me that your hormones are probably out of balance. If that is the case, it could be factoring in here somehow. I would talk to my gyn about this. Let him/her know about all of the laser removal you've had done. Anyway, love your blog:-)

Traci66 said...

I found your blog via Friday Follow and decided to follow you. I hope you will check out my blog. I am #106 Traci66 on Mr. Linky or http://traci66.blogspot.com Also check out my giveaways on my right sidebar if you get a chance.

casey aubut said...

LOVE the layout of your blog!!

Im your newest follower from Friday Follow! Would love for you to stop by my blog and follow back! Have a great weekend!
www.aubutfamily.com

VQ girl in Vietnam said...

I'm from FF... love what you're writing dear, cos it comes straight from the heart.

Follow me too, I think we both have the same style:
www.vqinvietnam.blogspot.com

JennyMac said...

I love SATC too...and I remember that episode. And my BFF tried to get pregnant for years with no success. You are right, it is not as simple as "don't think about it" but one day they acquiesced and put it behind them and they have two children now. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Happy FF!

Alyssa said...

Okay, sooooo glad I found your blog. Can't wait for the new Sex and the City movie...as I am a huge fan, also. Coincidentally (?) I can relate to the "wanting a child but having issues". No words of wisdom here, but sometimes it's good to keep in perspective how many women/couples this affects. I just wrote a post about surrogacy this week. Although I was blessed (finally) with a daughter who's now four, we'd love another child.

All I can say is "it ain't easy".

BTW, following you from FF. Hope to see you, too, and will keep you in my prayers.

Di said...

I'm your newest follower from Friday Follow. We too are struggling with TTC and it eats at me everyday. Wishing you luck and sending baby dust.

THRIFTY CANUCKS said...

Visiting from Friday Follow. Following you on GFC as Thrifty Canucks
Please, if you can, check out my blog and follow
http://thriftycanucks.blogspot.com/

I have not even seen Sex and the City. I must get the first movie before I watch the second one

Heather said...

I wish you luck. That has got to be more than frustrating. My mom has a theory. If you hang out babies and pregnant women some kind of fertility "germ" spreads!!
She swears it is true. Of course..she is crazy.

Nice to meet you.

Ron Cooper said...

I’m now a Friday-follower! Please follow back.

My latest postings are, “Simple Gesture,” “Smiles,” “Spring,” “A Feast,” “Love Lifts,” “Wake Up to Serve” and “Soul-itude.”

http://inspiredbyron.blogspot.com/

Muse said...

Thanks to all for visiting & for your kind words! I'll be by to visit you soon - be on the look out for comments :)

-K said...

Great blog. I'm now your newest follower from FF.

-K

http://mypottyseat.blogspot.com/

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

Been down that road---sorry you are having to as well.

Best wishes.

Denise said...

Stopping by from Friday Follow to say Hi! I am a new follower...

Please stop by and see my review on Molly's Money Making Digest:
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And enter my giveaway for Peter Rabbit Children's Products:
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Haupi said...

I'm your newest followers...and you seem to have a lot of those recently. Wonderful heartfelt blogs can do that. I wish you every success in having your baby. Doctors can perform miracles these days, but just have to take another route. Many happy blessings to you for it all to turn out right.

Come by and visit my blog and follow me too ok? Thanks!

http://hauplight.blogspot.com/

Rene W. said...

Thank you so much for your kind words - Things are finally returning to normal & all is well in my world again...

I LOVE SATC ~ Have every episode on DVD, and can't wait for the 2nd movie to come out!!

I know what you mean about the whole baby bump thing. When all of my friends got pregnant around me & I seemed to be the sole un-mother on earth, I just wanted to scream. It still hasn't happened for me, but using the ovu kit will give you something to work with. Best of luck!!

Fadra N said...

I was never a SATC fan but I did see some episodes and the movie. I am most closely aligned with Charlotte myself. It feels odd and oddly unfair that I just wrote a post about having my son and how I had mixed feelings about it and about having another one. It's not pain I've had but I'm sure it is one that is very real. And if it makes you feel just a touch better, when I became pregnant, the world was suddenly full of pregnant women. When my son was born, the world was nothing but newborns. You are hyperaware which is okay. Just don't torture yourself! Sending hugs to you...

Marisa said...

All I do know is that when the time does come and it will-- you are going to be one of the most loving and amazing mothers that any child could ask for.
Love you!
M

Julia Writer said...

Can you believe I never watched SITC until recently? Now I'm hooked, my friend lent me her DVD's, she has the whole set and I'm working my way through them. Good luck with ttc :)

Rene W. said...

PS ~ I left a little something for you on my Blog yesterday :) Have a great weekend!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I've been meaning to come by for awhile now to say "hi" since I follow Cougar Tales and know she's a friend of yours.

I'm so excited about Sex in the City -- a bunch of gals and I are going to see it tomorrow night! But I remember that episode you're speaking of.

I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort for you but I really don't. Just know that you're not alone and I hope you find the network you need or get the results you want soon. Will be sending fertility vibes via blog waves in your direction in the mean time!

P.s. - My hubby thinks Charlotte is the prettiest of them all anyway! So there you go! :)

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